i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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