I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
