never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
