we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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