The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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