Your face is a jimmy john
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
