Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
