I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
