Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
