i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
