Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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