I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
