we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
