Betty ford says i'm here all night
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize