the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
