Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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