two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
