Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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