never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
