I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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