he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
