We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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