I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
