the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
