just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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