peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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