but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
