Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
