ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
