i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
