I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
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I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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