dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
