You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
