Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i've created a new STD.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
