dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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