epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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