I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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