I'm drive I can fine osifer
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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