I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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