i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
