I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
