It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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