I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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