At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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