this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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