Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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