i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
