remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
