His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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