if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
