had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
