Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
