Umm I'm too high to move.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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