Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
