it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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