You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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