No stitches, just platelets and will power
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
