there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
