What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
