Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
