do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
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His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
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The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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