just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
