I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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