I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
vagina is talking i cant
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
