i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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