If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
