I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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