I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
