I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
He kissed a someone with a penis
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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