i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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