So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
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