Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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