also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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