Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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