took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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