i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Randomize
