So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
