I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize