Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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