Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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