I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
