someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm passing your future prison.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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