In the future we'll all be gay
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
