I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
