Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
