i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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