oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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